I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
