Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
