She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
