You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
