Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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