his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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