I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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