He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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