Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
