he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
