It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
