I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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