Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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