So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
