I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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