I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
