i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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