That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
