We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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