Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
