Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
