My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
