Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
