i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
