We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
