who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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