Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
