I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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