It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
