I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
