i jhust puked up my retainher.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
