id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
