I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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