I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
