he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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