not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
