How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
