you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
