i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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