Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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