in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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