Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
