I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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