next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
