Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Can you bring me the toilet please
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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