apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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