I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
