YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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