I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
