so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
