trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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