the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
