I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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